child loss, bereavement, tcf canada, tcf, compassionate friends, grief, grieving

AIDS ~The Unspoken Death

Your child is dead. They say, "What happened?" You answer "accident, suicide, cancer, murder," but could you say "AIDS?” Some are taken in an instant, but others of us watch them die a little each day. AIDS, the word that stands out on our television screen and in our newspapers; AIDS, a word that labels its victims.

I lost my son when he was 31. I watched him go from a vibrant, young, successful man to a man so confused and weak he seemed to age before my eyes. This was not a segment of 20/20 or 60 minutes, this was my son dying, asking, "Mom, can you let me go?"

AIDS victims should not be labelled, nor should this disease carry any stigma or shame. My grief over Brad's death, still so very painful, would eat at me like a cancer if I could not be honest about his death. For me that acknowledgment was the first step of along flight of steps in the acceptance of his death.

I can't talk enough about my Brad, and since his death in June of 1988 I have written a book and ten poems about him. It is therapy for me; it keeps him alive to me. I miss him more each day.

Another mother, not wanting to hide from the reality of AIDS that claimed her son's life' has written and published a book called Climbing Toward The Light by Ardath Rodale (Rodale Press). It is available at the book stores. That is a very fitting title. I watched Brad raise his hand upward as if to reach for the light. If I could be alight for another parent who has had my experience, I would be for I am just another mother who lost her son to AIDS.
~ Donna Sullivan
TCF/Atlanta, GA


Donna Sullivon